#5 (I Am Not Me)


I AM NOT ME

However hard may someone try to
Change me, transform me, rejig me,
I had swore upon an oath I had made since nonage,
That I would never see myself in alien shoes,
And never imitate a person built on his own.
Could it be possible that I have lied,
For I have lost my reflection in the mirror that
I face now and then?
I can’t seem to find myself, even in the deep water
Where I appear to have lost my being
Even worse is the fact that I am not me
I have betrayed my trust, and am resentful
About the unaware being that I desperately mimicked.
Where am I? Not in the shadows that lurked about.
Where am I? I have lost my dear, dear entity.
I swore, and I had mutinied against
Myself, for no sound and sane reason.
I am not what I used to be, and not what I
Desired to be. What a mess I have made.
The showers of sorrow that rain upon me every
Now and then are now acquainted with an image
I loathe, I detest, even to this day.

- F. Julian

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